So there’s been a lot going on in our home this week. I’m finishing a book proposal, my oldest daughter is potty training & my littlest is teething. I have seen 4am a few too many times this week, so my eyes are in a permanent state of bloodshot. I don’t know how you super duper early risers do it. I think there may be something wrong with you. Your eyes look happy & you smile way too much to be someone who gets up before the sun even sees fit to arrive. It’s just not normal. I’ll pray for you.
Anyways, needless to say there has not been one dull moment in our house this week. Case in point, I sat in pee. Not once, not twice, but three times.
As I was in the kitchen, my 2 year old ran up to me & said, “Uh oh, Mommy. Pee pee!”
Now for those of you with children, you know this means one of two things. Either your child is suddenly overwhelmed with a potty emergency & is requesting to go pee pee or…there is already a puddle of pee…somewhere.
As I turned the corner, I said a little prayer & clung to the hope that it would be the former.
However, it wasn’t.
I peeked over the recliner & there it was. A puddle. No, no, more like a lake. A lake of pee. Now there’s a visual for you.
I reassured my daughter it wasn’t a big deal & that I would grab a rag & clean it up. Well, sweet girl asked to help clean it (c’mon, how cute) so I grabbed a couple paper towels so she could help “clean” it until I could actually CLEAN it. Know what I’m saying?
We patted & dabbed. Then she told me she had to pee. Again.
So with all the speed we had in us, we ran down the hallway to the bathroom to finish the job. As we were walking back to the living room, my littlest broke out in a scream-cry. I picked her up, but nothing would console her. So I sat down & began feeding her & she settled immediately. However what should have been a moment of relief quickly turned into the need for a floatie because once again, I found myself sitting in the LazyBoy river. Or maybe it was the Pee-cific Ocean (See what I did there? I’m so punny.)
Yep, just from the time it took to take my toddler to the bathroom & pick up my baby, I forgot the recliner was soaked.
Again, those of you with kids know that when your teething baby is scream-crying, you will try EVERYTHING to console her. You will bounce. You will walk. You will bounce walk. You will roam the house 1,000 times until your arms feel like they will literally fall off. So when I sat down & nursing immediately calmed her, there was only one thing to do. Sit in the puddle & not move.
I texted my husband & I told him I was a prisoner to a pee covered recliner. And we laughed. Well, we both LOL-ed which is pretty much the same thing.
After the little was calm, it was nap time for the toddler. So I buckled the baby in the swing & started nap time routine. We got blankets all cozy, stuffed animals perfectly arranged & a book for her to read while she fell asleep. As I closed her door, I realized that my early mornings were really taking a toll. So I made some coffee & sat down. In pee. For the second time. This time, my sense of humor was nowhere to be found. “Really? Again?!” I thought to myself.
I went to the kitchen, opened my pantry to grab some cleaning supplies.
As I opened the door, some disgusting smell from the garbage can smacked me in my face. So I took out the bag, set the bag in the garage & put a new bag in.
There. That’s better.
Before I could shut the door, the baby began crying again. I rushed over to console her quickly so she would wake her napping sister.
But nothing was working. Bouncing. Swaying. Walk rocking. Yes, that’s a thing. Nothing was calming her down.
Then I remembered that nursing her had worked earlier, so I thought I’d give that a try again. I sat down, began feeding her again & realized the horrible, horrible mistake I had made. For a third time. I closed my eyes & silently scolded myself. “Well, you must like sitting in pee. How did you do this for a third time?! The first two times weren’t enough?!”
Do you ever do this? Not sit in pee, but keep coming back to something that you know isn’t good; something that you know you need to let go of?
I catch myself doing it more often than I care to admit. I beat myself up about past mistakes. I get frustrated at myself for holding on to unhealthy relationships. I get deeply discouraged for not finishing certain things that I know should have been done years ago.
I’ll keep coming back to that “thing.” I’ll feel guilty or sad or frustrated or discouraged or angry about something. But instead of truly letting it go & moving forward, I just keep coming back to it.
I keep sitting in the pee. Over & over. And afterwards, I always ask, “Why do I keep doing this?”
I have to repeatedly remind myself sometimes that I am not who I use to be. I think differently. I live differently. I even love differently than I used to. My God has truly made me a new creation.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17
Yes, I made some mistakes. Yes, I wish I had done some stuff differently. But all those things do not bind me. They do not control or own me & they definitely do not define who I am. I have been set free from condemnation.
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”- Galatians 3:13
I do not have to wallow in regret or become paralyzed by discouragement. Today is all I have. The decision I make in this moment is all I have. And praise God, that is enough. His grace is sufficient for me.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8
So let’s remember who we are now. Let go of what needs to be released & embrace what needs to be held on to. Let’s make forward moving decisions in this moment.
Because trust me, it’s not fun sitting in pee.