Jesus Smells Like Lavender

Jesus Smells Like Lavender

lavender

My daughter ran up to me this week with a big smile on her face, arms straight up in the air, one hand holding a small glass spray bottle. Its glass is a deep, transparent blue that makes it look like something that should be sitting in the window sill of a beach house. The handwritten label reads, Lavender & Rescue Remedy.

Momma, spway me, pwease!” Anytime I put on a body spray, she too needs to smell pretty. But this particular bottle is a cherished one and every drop of its contents considered valuable. It was given to me by our midwife after we lost our first baby. She came to visit a couple days after everything happened to check in and see how I was doing. She sat beside me, opened her bag and pulled out the blue bottle. She told me to close my eyes, breathe deeply and then began misting my face and the air around me with the delicate scent of tiny purple flowers. So now, whenever I smell lavender, my mind involuntarily transports me back to that time.

The fragrance carries me to a place half way between here and eternity.

When my soul is heavy with grief, the smell of lavender fills me with the intense power of His peace that surpasses all understanding.

When the ache of loss puts me in a sorrowful slumber, lavender awakens my heart and I sense the intimacy of His presence.

Lavender reminds me that instead of remaining shattered in sadness, His fierce love restored me.

Why does a scent hold so much power? Because to me, Jesus smells like lavender.

The air being filled with the holy aroma came at a time without coincidence.

April is a very emotion-filled month for me. The 13th is our first baby’s due date; the first baby that we lost. A baby’s due date becomes forever imprinted on a mommas heart from the moment she knows it. And being a due date that turned up empty adds to the sacredness of that day.

As I entered a month that brings along with it an ache and emptiness, my precious daughter was now covered in the very scent that brings me peace…that brings me Jesus. Without the pain and loss we experienced, we wouldn’t have the little girl that now skipped and played through the house, carrying with her lavender to every room. Lavender would be just another scent. I wouldn’t have been transformed by Jesus in the ways I have. I wouldn’t know Him like I do now. An idea I can’t bear to think about.

The Lord was whispering words of comfort to me, “I am still here, as close as the air you’re breathing.”

Maybe you’re in the thick of things and your heart throbs in agony.

Look around, breathe deeply. Do you sense the presence of Jesus? Maybe it flows in the scent of lavender, or maybe it’s in seeing a small green clover. Or perhaps it’s carried in a song or in a car ride through the country. Don’t overlook the tangible traces you see. Don’t quiet His whispers or dismiss them as coincidence.

He is near. The evidence is all around you.

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Grieving Good Friday

Cross

Good Friday.

The day Jesus died.

We know the story. And we know what happens 3 days later.

For years, I read through the story of Jesus’ crucifixion in a steady rhythm with the resurrection already in my mind. It eased the sting of the words. It made it a little happier to read. I resisted soaking in the visual of my Savior being mocked and tortured…for me. My stomach churned to settle into that place.

Oh yes, Sunday was coming. But Friday came first.

The explosion of Christ’s glory was coming. But his blood came first.

I wonder how “good” the day Jesus was crucified looked to his followers.

Their King, their Savior, was betrayed, captured, mocked, spit on, tortured, then crucified. That doesn’t bring the word “good” to mind.

It looked like it was all over. It looked like darkness had won.

The Messiah; the one they had hoped for, the one they believed in, the one they gave everything up for; was now hanging lifelessly on a cross.

The forehead that wrinkled in empathy for the hurting and the lost; the forehead that crinkled when he laughed and smiled, was now wrapped with a crown of thorns. Blood poured out, streaming down the length of his mangled body.

The strong arms that had embraced little children were now stretched out. The same rough, carpenter hands that touched blind eyes to give them sight and that washed the feet of his disciples, were now nailed to the cross.

The feet that had walked countless miles to bring hope to the hurting were also now nailed together.

The voice that commanded the winds and the waves, “Peace! Be still!”; that called into the tomb, “Lazarus, come out!”, was now crying out from the cross, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?”

Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

We have come to call today Good Friday. We call it good because that day changed everything.

On the day He died, we were brought to Life.

My heart and mind settle into that raw place of his crucifixion. My stomach still churns knowing He took the punishment I deserved. And my heart aches with raw gratitude knowing how desperately I need his salvation. It breaks me. It brings me to tears.

Chants of victory are coming…

…but groaning cries of bitter mourning came first.

So today, allow yourself to grieve and feel the weight of that day – the day that changed everything.

But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

To Love the Unlovable

roses

I recently watched a very complicated situation unfold. I wasn’t directly involved- more of a bystander. But a friend I love dearly was in the heart of it, so I got an up close view of the whole thing.

A close relative of my friend was injured and needed to be cared for during their recovery process. In the best of circumstances, her relative could still easily be defined as “unlikable.” So throw in a traumatic experience, unstable emotions and a resistant attitude, and you’ve got someone who makes it miserable to be around (to put it nicely).

Throughout the recovery process, nothing seemed to go smoothly. There were physical setbacks, unexpected financial blows, constant opposition and emotional outbursts.

And that was just the surface of the situation. There were layers upon layers of emotional scars that ran deep, adding to the messiness of it all. The person who had inflicted those scars now lay in a hospital bed, unable to do basic things for themselves.

My friend, who could have been justifiably angry from a lifetime of pain, chose to bear the scars with mercy, and love someone who didn’t deserve it. Once broken and fragile, my friend now embodied strength and restoration. She had found healing, peace and redemption over the years. That’s what happens when Jesus gets involved in our messes. Sitting in that hospital room, she poured out grace and love without restraint.

Now before I go on, let me just say, having boundaries is a very good thing. I don’t think the “right thing” or “loving thing” means to keep going back to an unhealthy or dangerous situation or relationship. Sometimes, staying away is the harder thing to do. Sometimes, it’s best to get out of a relationship completely because it’s physically or emotionally dangerous. Other times, love can only be offered through limited interaction like short conversations or through prayers for the person. But other times, love physically comes face to face with the unlovable.

That is the love I saw. Given freely and unconditionally. I watched as the emotionally wounded chose to love the wounder over and over.

She made the decision to love.

It wasn’t the feel good kind of love that’s filled with hugs and rainbows and bunnies.

It was the raw, messy, pain filled, undeserving kind of love.

It was Jesus kind of love.

And it shook me.

But if I can be totally honest, I don’t know if I would have loved as well as she did. If put in that situation, I hope I would love well. I desperately hope I would. However, there were numerous times I watched her be horribly mistreated and my heart thought, “She should just walk away. It’s not her responsibility. She’s the one who has been hurt. Her relative is just finally reaping what they sowed for years. They don’t deserve such a love. It isn’t fair.”

But during one of those thoughts, the Lord very clearly interrupted, “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

The example of love I saw that left me in awe was human to human. Can you believe that there is a love even fiercer, stronger and eternal? I too, have been given a completely undeserved love by a holy God. I make mistake after mistake, but He continues to love me.

Is that fair? Not at all.

Do I deserve it? Absolutely not.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:16-18

He is a perfect God loving a very, VERY imperfect person. Yet, He calls me His daughter, His beloved. He has not only cared for me when I was most unlikable, He died for me when I was most unlovable. He took the punishment of death that I deserved. Death. That is what I deserved.

How’s that for love.

Raw, messy, never-ending, undeserved love.

Freely given…

…despite mistakes.

…despite failures.

…despite resistance.

…despite messing up again…and again…and again.

…despite never ever being able to come close to deserving it.

It’s easy for me to accept something good that I don’t deserve, but the moment I see someone else given the same good thing, I quickly point out the injustice.

Oh, the love of Jesus!

Yeah, it’s not fair or just or deserved. And thank goodness. My life depends on it…and so does yours.

A Love Note To Who I Used To Be

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To the girl I used to be,

I know you lay in bed at night and cry. You are surrounded by people, but feel so lonely. Your heart feels empty, yet it still aches. It’s constantly seeking love, but only finds counterfeit versions and temporary highs that make you feel loved in that short-lived moment.

But you are loved.

You long to be cherished, but you think the only way that will happen is if you keep pretending, keep acting like the girl you wish you could be. You don’t show them the real you, because you are terrified that it’s not enough, that you are not enough.

But you are enough.

The idea that someone would embrace your quirks, your imperfections, the real you, almost feels like a silly dream. But still, you dream. You work tirelessly to be beautiful, because you desperately desire for someone to think that you are beautiful.

But you are beautiful.

You will give in to fear and run away. You will not finish your college degree with everyone and I’m afraid that’s something you’ll regret for years. But it’s ok. Because of that, you will learn to work harder for what you want. You will learn to appreciate time, money and perseverance much more. You will have moments of feeling like you’re not as academically smart as everyone else, but you will soon realize the truth.

You are smart.

While many others take the direct route in life, you’ve always taken the scenic route. It may not be like you imagined, but please look around and enjoy the scenery. Don’t get caught up on little details.

You whisper to God through your tears, “Why are You holding on to me so tightly?”

But He will always hold you tightly.

Sweet girl, life is going to get hard. There will be a time where your world falls apart. But I promise, it will be ok. You will feel like a wanderer, like you have no home. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. One day you will look back and see that it was those first painful steps that set the direction in your wild adventure. With every step, even the ones you hesitate taking or the ones that make you stumble, your legs will grow stronger, your heart will become braver and your spirit will feel freer.

He will always hold you tightly.

You will marry your best friend. Don’t panic about not knowing how to cook, he loves cooking and you will not starve to death. You will find out that marriage is hard, but so worth it. Fight for it everyday. Focus on Jesus and your marriage will be clearer too. (And keep doing your impressions and telling your jokes. He secretly finds them hilarious.)

You will have babies. You will lose babies. You have never known heartache like you will during this time. But remember, He remains faithful. You will be able to more fiercely love others who are hurting because you too bear wounds. You will experience the heart of Jesus in ways you otherwise wouldn’t have. And it will change you. You will taste bitterness, but you will also taste the sweetest of blessings. Your babies will teach you about yourself, about God, and unconditional love.

He will always hold you tightly.

No matter what, love Jesus. He is your compass. You will see His fingerprints all over your life. So stay close to Him. And if you ever need a reminder, just listen. The constant rhythm of His heartbeat echoes His steadfast love for you.

You are loved. You are beautiful. You are enough. And He will always hold you tightly.

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father’s hand.”  John 10:27-29

…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Knowing Peace

cloudHello friend.

How are you? How is your heart? Are you finding peace among all the darkness this week? Or maybe you’re really struggling & need His peace more than ever.

There are few things in life that take such a toll on our bodies, minds & hearts as spiritual unrest does. When my spirit is stirred, when it senses a battle or is a part of one, my whole world feels… heavy.

I think it can be a very good thing. It causes me to pray harder, stretch my faith further & re-prioritize things that really matter in life; focus on the eternal, not the dirty dishes in the sink. But it can definitely become overwhelming if my eyes wander off of Jesus & focus on the world.

There is so much happening right now, on our own soil & around the world. No matter where I am, I hear stories of riots, violence, persecution, fear. I see pictures of hurting faces, angry mobs, innocent children being targeted by evil. There are moments where I feel like my heart & mind just can’t “go there”. I can’t think about it for too long, because it’s just so…scary. I want to feel safe, both physically & mentally.

But I know it is important that I do allow my heart & mind to “go there” sometimes. We do not need to focus on evil or meditate on fearful thoughts. But we do need to stay focused on praying for our persecuted brothers & sisters, asking God to protect the innocent, to bring light to a very, very dark world. It truly is a matter of life & death.

The truth of Ephesians 6:12 becomes more raw when I hear their stories, see pictures of their faces & am faced with the realization that this is actually happening to regular families like mine.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

The last few weeks have been a challenge for me. I want to know what is going on. I want to know what is happening. But with that information comes a lot of other elements. I do not want to get wrapped up in fear. And if you’re like me, I have plenty of other things happening in life that cause me to battle anxiety & fear. I have to constantly guard my heart & mind so anxious & fearful thoughts can’t take root.

But I’m learning that there’s a difference between staying informed & meditating on fear. It can be a tricky balance indeed.

So as we are praying for our brothers & sisters around the world & asking God to change hearts & protect the innocent, may we also guard our hearts & minds against fear. Let us praise Him for His sovereignty. Let us thank Him for His steadfast love.

May we focus on His peace.

May we remember He is greater than any evil.

May we cling to His truth.

Our God is in control.

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

Affording Christmas

I don’t know about you, but it’s very easy for me to have this beautiful, yet unrealistic image in my head of what I think Christmas should look like. Every object in the house delicately wrapped in shiny ribbons; a fresh wreath hanging on every door; perfectly placed decorations hanging on a perfectly shaped tree, under which are perfectly wrapped presents stacked on top of each other…perfectly. Oh look- the dog is curled up in front of the fireplace. Isn’t that adorable.

It can be a wonderful or a disappointing daydream. I suppose it all depends on where my heart & expectations are.

As a teenager, I came to a rather disheartening realization about Christmas.

I couldn’t afford it.

Even though I was always full of anticipation & excitement for the Christmas season, every year I was left…disappointed. No matter how much I wanted it, Christmas would never look like a Hallmark commercial.

Everyone was trampling each other in stores to grab decorations that said, “Peace on Earth” & “Joy to the World.” That’s ironic. The overflowing parking lots were filled with angry drivers whose parking spots were just stolen from them. Maybe they should buy one of those “Peace of Earth” ornaments. But more than anything, I hated the thought of our already very tight money situation being used on mass-produced gift sets just to have something under the tree. We couldn’t buy all the elements that I envisioned making a grand Christmas. I hated the idea of what Christmas had become, because I couldn’t afford.

I knew what the real meaning of Christmas was. I knew it was a time to celebrate the birth of Jesus. But the joy & meaning of Christmas was so weighed down by my ridiculously high expectations of what it should look, feel, taste & sound like, that I just sort of…gave up. It’s hard to be disappointed when you have very low expectations.

That is where my misconception was. Christmas was a time to celebrate Christ’s birth, but it was only successful if it looked & felt like a Christmas movie. I had one image in my head of the perfect Christmas, so when every year didn’t look like that, I labeled it “failed”. I blamed everything except for what was truly responsible. My heart.

I don’t think it’s right to evaluate our friendships or self-worth by the price tag of the gifts we give or are given, or to work tirelessly & stressfully to create a Christmas wonderland in our homes, but neglect the true meaning of Christmas & miss out on valuable time with our families.

However, I had it very, very wrong too. It’s wrong to “give up” on the beauty that Christmas is, just because it doesn’t look like a Hallmark commercial or store advertisement.

That is not Christmas. Things under the tree do not represent Christmas. Even the wonderful smell cookies baking in the oven while we sit in front of the fireplace & drink hot cocoa, is not Christmas. Those are all wonderful things. But they do not define Christmas.

If none of those things existed, would our hearts still be overflowing with gratitude & joy for the greatest Gift that was ever given to us? Would Jesus be enough?

After all these issues had surfaced in my heart, my amazing mother suggested a new tradition. Instead of being “buyers”, let’s be “doers.” It became my favorite tradition & I have continued it with my own little family.

Instead of buying presents, just to buy them, we go do things together. Most of the things we do are free, but the laughter, joy & memories last much, much longer than any wrapped up box would. Presents aren’t banished from our house by any means. It is still so fun to open up presents & I can’t wait to see how my one year old reacts to ripping off the paper. And if we find something that we truly think one of us will like, then we are thrilled to give it to them. However, that’s not where the focus is. I will enjoy Christmas day whether presents are stacked under the tree, or if there is not a single one. Family movie nights will come before presents. Making snowmen in the backyard will come before a house filled to the brim with decorations. Christmas caroling will come before a festive 10-course dinner.

I continue to find balance in this area. But that’s ok. I’m trying. It’s an ongoing process in my mind to know it’s all right to enjoy “Christmassy” things while also keeping Christ the focus. I’m sure new elements & traditions will be added as my daughter gets older. But no matter what we have or don’t have, my husband & I will strive to make sure that Jesus remains the foundation of our Christmases. Christ’s birth will not just be a pretty accessory to our Christmases; it will be the main reason & focus & the only element that truly matters.

So this Christmas, give yourself permission to unload the burden of having a perfect Christmas. And don’t just unload it, go bury it. Then bundle the family up & go outside & have a snowball fight. Treasure the time spent with your kiddos as you make cookies, but not worry how the cookies themselves turn out. Or if you’re like me, be ok when they burn. Not if, but when they burn.

If you are trying to find a balance between it all or if you have any wisdom to share, I would love to hear your thoughts!

You are wonderful & I pray that you experience the joy of Christmas in a new & fresh way this year.

I declare my God as faithful this Christmas & every season!

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, & the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government & peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne & over his kingdom, establishing & upholding it with justice & righteousness from that time on & forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.
Isaiah 9:6 & 7

Golden Idols and Felt Boards

Golden Idols and Felt Boards

prayWhenever I hear the word “idol” I always get two images in my head. The first image, I have to thank my Sunday school teachers for.  Thanks to the felt visuals displayed on our felt board, I will always associate “idol” with a golden, felt calf. But that’s a whole different story.

The second thing I always think about when I hear that word “idol” is someone worshipping something other than our God. It is almost always a “bad” idol that I am thinking about.

And of course, I do not have idols in my life. I’m a good Christian. There are no golden, felt calves in my house. No sir.

But I heard something interesting this week. And it’s challenging me like crazy.

Are you ready for it?

Idols are usually formed from good things.

Did you catch that? Things that we can make into “idols” are usually not bad in and of themselves. This makes it a little more difficult to identify them, because after all, they’re good, wonderful things…on their own.

Now I don’t know about you, but I was perfectly comfortable placing all the ugly, dirty, obviously wrong things in the “idol” box. I could happily look in that box and say, “Nope. I haven’t put any of those bad things above God. I’m good. No idol here.”

But just because I don’t physically bow down before something that is obviously bad or chant in front of it or intentionally place it above God, doesn’t mean I’ve set God at the absolute highest and rightful place in my life. Or in my heart.

So how do we know whether or not we have created an idol out of something or someone?

Before this week, I would have thought an easy way to figure that out would be to ask the question, “Well, what are you living for?”

But I’ve been challenged this week to ask myself a different question. I shouldn’t ask myself what I’m living for, but ask myself, “What am I most afraid of losing?”

The answer to that question reveals where my value, heart and life are held.

Ouch. Did anybody else feel the sting of that question?

“What am I most afraid of losing?”

Another interesting telltale sign of identifying an idol is looking at the areas of our lives that we have uncontrolled emotions in. What or who are those emotions directed at? Once we identify that, we can probably agree that too much of our heart, value and life is being held in that thing or person.

Financial stability
Success in a career
Spouse
Family
Physical beauty
A relationship
Control
Social status
Life plans
Marriage

The list is endless. Do you see how all of these things are not bad things? They’re good things. Things we should love and value…but not idolize. Even when an idol is created out of a good thing, it’s still an idol. And an idol will always, always break our hearts.

No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other….”
Luke 16:13

Lord, please reveal areas of my life that I am holding closer to my heart than you. Show me the people and relationships that I’ve allowed to hold my value, heart and life. And as You reveal these things, please fill those places with Your truth! May I place You, my Savior, above every one else and my Salvation in You above every thing else! You are the one, true God worthy of my praise, affection, energy and attention! You are holy and anything other than You is counterfeit and temporary. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him.
John 4:23

Fall Afresh

Hello my friend,

I’m so excited to share this with you. I’ve been experiencing God’s spirit in a new & fresh way! There hasn’t been one thing in particular that has kindled the fire in my heart. It’s been a bunch of little details & decisions I’ve made that have added up & created some spectacular results! The way I feel & see the world is so different when I’m intentional about my relationship with God instead of putting it on cruise-control & letting it just coast along. I’m so encouraged & wanted to share that encouragement with you.

This is a list & prayer I made this week. It started as a simple list of acknowledging & thanking God for who He is & what He has done for me. But it quickly grew into a passionate battle cry & fiery prayer.

Be encouraged, sweet friend! Our God is constantly calling us to His heart. Even when we wander. Even when we ignore Him. Even when we get so caught up in the to-dos of our life that we forget to put Him above it all. So this week, I encourage you sit down & think through a few things. Reprioritize your day. Make sure that He is in the forefront of your mind as you run errands. Play worship music in the background. If you can, dive into your Bible a few times throughout the day instead of stopping at your morning devotion. Pray out loud with your friend, even if it’s a little uncomfortable. Dig deeper. Lean into Him.

I pray that you too will experience our God’s spirit in a fresh & new way this week! I can’t wait to hear all about it!

 

Oh Savior, your grace for me is scandalous.
It gave me eternal life that I don’t deserve. (John 3:16&17)

Lord, your mercy is indescribable.
It took the punishment that I did deserve. (Psalm 103:8-12)

Father, you have adopted me as your daughter.
My place in your family has been bought with your very blood. (John 1:12)

El Roi, you see into the deepest parts of my soul.
You are acquainted with my every thought & action. (Hebrews 4:13)

Teacher, your patience for me doesn’t end.
It allows me to persevere despite mistakes & failures. (2 Peter 3:9)

God, your Spirit breathes life into my bones.
It nudges me to keep going when I want to give up. (Hebrews 33:4)

El Shaddai, you provide for my every need.
I lack no good thing when I follow you. (Philippians 4:19)

Immanuel, you are always with me.
Your presence gives me courage & strength. (Joshua 1:9)

El Rachum, your compassion envelops my pain.
It shows me that you are near to the brokenhearted. (Psalm 34:18)

Mighty God, your faithfulness transcends our emotions, situations & circumstances.
You work everything for the good of those who love you. (Romans 8:28)

Jesus, your peace isn’t confined to my understanding.
It penetrates deeper than the pain & is more present than my heartache. (Philippians 4:7)

 

Father God,

You embody all these beautiful things. Yet you, a perfect God, intimately involve yourself in my imperfect life. You walk alongside me in every pain, hardship & trial I face. Even if the only reason you would lay your hand on me is to comfort me, it would be inconceivable that Almighty God would touch the flesh of fallen humanity. But you are love. And you go further than what I could ever ask for or understand. You wrap your arms around me to protect me, to redeem me & to change me from the inside out.

It is by your mercy that I take my next breath. It is for glory that I live today. Build me up & set my heart on fire for you! Infuse your Word so deeply inside of me that it becomes a part of my very being. May it sink into the marrow of my bones & settle into the core of my heart & mind. You have set a calling upon my life, so there is no power on earth or in hell than can stop me from stepping into my destiny!

You are faithful & what you start, you finish. My identity is found in you, so use my heart to reflect yours.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

Is Jesus Enough

Something inside my heart has been awoken for the first time. Something in me that I was unaware of. Recently, our pastor presented the question, “Is Jesus enough?” Of course that question is rhetorical. And I know the answer is yes.  My brain answered immediately.
But I was surprised at the sting my heart felt from that question. Very surprised. During the next couple of weeks, my husband & I realized that the same question has repeatedly shown up from different sources. It is now a theme. And we got the hint.
I know that Jesus is enough. But can I be completely transparent with you? I don’t know if I live like I do. In some areas of my life I do. Usually the areas that are easier to give up control in, if I’m honest with myself. But when I press deeply into that question, in it’s very core & rawness, I don’t know if I have believed it.
Is Jesus enough …as long as my husband has a good job?
Is Jesus enough …as long as I have a big house?
Is Jesus enough …as long as I can lose the baby weight I put on?
Is Jesus enough …as long as I can be in control?
Is Jesus enough …as long as I don’t hurt in life?
Is Jesus enough …as long as my emotions feel it?
Is Jesus enough …as long as life goes the way I plan it?
Or is Jesus enough …PERIOD.
Oh I desperately want Him to be. I want Him to be all that I crave, love & know. He IS enough whether I believe it or not. But how would my life change if I really believed it & lived it? How would my relationships, words, life, heart & world be transformed? What would it look like if I stopped dancing in the gray area & just jumped into what I know to be right, true, honest, pure? What if.
No more what ifs.
Jesus, You are enough. Your sufficiency is not dictated by circumstance, emotion or what I can understand. Despite what I face. Despite when I hurt. You are enough. I believe that You will walk with me on this journey of chasing after Your heart. You do not ask me to be perfectly clean & have my life all put together nicely before I approach You. You are just asking me to trust You right now, with my mess & all. You love me unconditionally. You ask me to give You control. You are good. You know me better than I will ever know myself. So I trust You. And although there will be days where I feel weak, overwhelmed & hesitant, I know those emotions do not separate me from You. You are there & You remain enough.
 
“Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O LORD. They rejoice in your name all day long; they exult in your righteousness. For you are their glory & strength” ~Psalm 89:15-17~
JESUS, YOU ARE ENOUGH.
I love you, friends. I declare my God as faithful…& enough