Beauty for Ashes

Sweet, sweet friend. My heart is so heavy as I write this to you. I feel like it has been forever since we’ve spoken. I’ve missed you & have thought about you often.The first part of my absence was morning sickness. A few months ago my husband & I found out that we were pregnant with our first sweet baby. I can’t express to you the excitement & joy that was in our hearts every moment of the day. Just as I was exiting my first trimester, I began to miscarry on Oct 1st. By the end of the night, everything was done & over. The ER doctors repeatedly told me how well my body was doing. Sometimes the ugly process can take days. I can’t imagine that. As blessed as I feel to not have needed any surgical or major medical intervention, the toil it has taken on my body & my heart has left me hurting badly for the last few weeks. So along with this note, I ask for you to agree with me in prayer– I’m asking Jesus to restore my body 100%. I’m doing much better this week physically. Thank you, Lord. My heart will ache forever. I know that. But I’m so glad that when this heartbreaking moment came, I felt Jesus stronger than I ever have. He didn’t leave. He was overwhelming there in the midst of the doctors, nurses & ultrasound technicians. To me, His presence was stronger than theirs. There’s so much more I want to share with you, but as of this moment, this is all my heart can handle. I love you dear friend.

I would like to share a note with you that I wrote to our close friends & family the day after I lost my baby. I share this with you because I hope to express how much comfort & love the Lord has shown us. Some of you have already read this. Maybe a couple of you haven’t. So I’m including this for you. I want the glory of my Savior to shine, even when the storm clouds are painfully thick. Here it is:

The JOY of the Lord is my STRENGTH. I know this more now than ever before. It’s now become tangible to me. Last night, Jarred & I lost our sweet baby. In the midst of all the physical & emotional pain, the tears & all the uncertainty, we felt the presence of God in the ER room. We are still feeling His presence in our quiet home today. My precious husband was right at my side speaking nothing but LIFE, AFFIRMATION & ENCOURAGEMENT over me the entire time; even though I know he was scared & grieving himself. THANK YOU JESUS, for my godly, sweet, supportive husband. I love him so much. As he was supporting me, my aunt & uncle patiently waited & supported us both for hours & hours in the waiting room; what a net of support & love Jarred & I felt just knowing they were there. They are the definition of what FAMILY should be.

Even as we felt violently tossed through wave after wave of heartache & pain, The PEACE of God that SURPASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING was heavily present in us. Having Christ as our Savior; knowing that His heart was aching with us & for us; changed this night from a tragedy to a CELEBRATION. A celebration because our baby is with our Heavenly Father & our Heavenly Father is with us. And as sad as we are & as the tears & heartache haven’t ceased, we know…our God gives BEAUTY FOR ASHES.

Your love & support is so appreciated. I DECLARE MY GOD AS FAITHFUL!

4 thoughts on “Beauty for Ashes

  • December 7, 2011 at 3:40 am


    I worked at the same summer camp with you and Jarred several years ago, and somehow I came across your blog awhile back. I read it occasionally, and always find encouragement in your words.

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby… I can’t possibly imagine what you are going through. I just felt compelled to comment here, even though I really don’t even know the right words to say. But even in mourning, your words are encouraging and uplifting. I can’t say that in the same circumstance, I know I would have the kind of unwavering faith that you do. All I know is that God wouldn’t ask you to endure something that he couldn’t carry you through. He wouldn’t allow you so much heartache without a chance to learn and grow and become stronger.
    I’m praying for you guys. I hope with all my heart that you take this as an opportunity to grow closer to each other and stronger in your faith.

  • December 17, 2011 at 4:40 am

    Thank you so much for your encouragement. We’ve definitely experienced God in a new way through this.

    What is your name? I’m sure we will remember you from camp. šŸ™‚

  • December 19, 2011 at 8:21 pm

    Alex Sayers. I worked in the youth camp with the middle and high school kids.
    By the way – I read your latest post, and it was exactly what I needed to hear… I can’t believe how encouraging YOU are in YOUR time of need! You are an amazing lady, I wish I had gotten to know you that summer!


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